Growing up, my parents tried to force my siblings and me to have what they called "normal" lives. In other words, they wanted us to live lives exactly how they had done.
The plans they had for us were-
- school
- work
- marriage
- kids
In that order. Just like them.
They bullied us with this scenario constantly. They said that wanting more than this was " greedy."
And it wasn't just words that they used to try to control us. My creativity was constantly stifled. I always wanted to have notebooks to write in, but my mother wouldn't buy me any, and my pocket money was so low that I couldn’t even afford to buy any.
So at the end of the school year, I used old school writing books that still had unused pages left, to write stories in. My mother called it "scribbling", and when I was back at school, she'd take all the books from my bedroom and throw them away.
Whenever I said that I wanted to do more than work and have kids, it was met with a chorus of, "Who do you think you are?" It was always followed with a lecture on how I'm no better than anyone else, so to stop acting like I was.
When I left school, I got a job in a department store. My parents, who wanted me to work in an office (for a reason I never understood), said, "Is that all you can do?" They said it wasn't a "proper" job.
One day, I read in the newspaper that a famous TV actor was going to be in the city, offering a course on working in television. I thought that would be amazing, and I would have loved to work in TV. We also lived near four TV stations.
Naturally, my parents belittled me and went on and on at me about how I was wasting my time even thinking about it. So in the end, I didn't do it.
They did the same to me a couple of years later when I wanted to apply to be an airline hostess, as they called them back then. They said it was worse than wanting to work in a shop. They said it was just being a waitress on an aeroplane. My life wasn't helped by my goody-two-shoes older sister, who always joined in with my parents. And it came as no surprise to me when my parents eventually divorced.
Years later, as an adult, I began writing professionally, but I didn't tell my family for a long time. And when I did, they just acted uncomfortable and changed the subject. And I chose to never tell my mother.
My father has since passed away, and, unsurprisingly, I haven't spoken to my sister or my mother for many years now.
But, you may be wondering, what has all this got to do with writing? Well, it's this...
My life with my family got to a point where I was sick and tired of them (just those three), and I didn't want to be beaten down anymore. It was my life, and I could do whatever I wanted.
And it wasn't just my family. I didn't want ANYONE telling me what I could or couldn't do.
When I first started writing professionally, I was doing freelance work, which included writing articles for other people's websites. Then one day, I thought that if they're paying me $10 for a short article, they must be earning much more from it than I am. So I did some quick research about what they were doing to earn money, and I set up my first site. I then went on to set up eleven more money-making sites.
At the same time, I started looking into self-publishing books. It wasn't really a big thing back then. It was possible, but not many did it because it was frowned upon.
Then one day it struck me that those frowning upon self-published authors were those who had never written or published a book. So I wrote my first novel and self-published it.
Not only that, but I self-published a book about how I self-published my book, and for quite a few years, it was a best seller.
And I did it all by breaking all the rules. Other wannabe writers were busy on writing forums, saying terrible things about me. They said that I wasn't a real writer, that I was a get-rich-quick merchant, and that nothing I was doing would last.
But they were all wrong. I'm still here, and I'm still writing and earning money.
The writing and publishing industry has changed dramatically since then, but I've never let it stop me, and neither should you. And speaking from experience, my advice is to just be yourself. Haters are always going to hate. Not everyone is going to like you, but they don't have to.
If you don't know where to start, get out more. There are so many ideas around, even from strangers. Recently, when I rented a house near a farm, I found that going out and feeding the cows was therapeutic and helped to quiet my mind. I was glad I went outside.
"Always stick to what makes you weird, odd, strange, different - That's your source of power."~ Robert Greene
If you want to do something, just do it.
- Be urgent.
- Don't put things off.
- Learn what you need to know quickly.
- Work fast.
- Be consistent.
- Work towards your goals.
And don't forget to do the boring things:
- Eat healthy
- Journal
- Walk
- Watch less TV
- Write every day
- Sleep when tired
This means doing the opposite of most of the population.
Always be yourself. Your authentic self.
Use the lists above, or your own list.
Do what works for you, not what works for someone else.
Write and then write some more and enjoy it.
And in six months, you’ll be unrecognisable.
